I don’t even know where to begin. Maybe with the goals. Maybe with the man-bun. Maybe with the fact that Erling freaking Haaland just showed up, looked around the Premier League like it was a warm-up lap, and then casually broke it in half.
Let me be clear: this wasn’t just a good season.
This was a main-character, football-fantasy, Netflix-sports-doc worthy campaign.
And I got to witness it live.
⚽ 36 Goals. One Man. Zero Chill.
I’ve been watching this league for years. I’ve seen icons. I’ve seen records that felt untouchable — Andrew Cole, Alan Shearer, those names were lore. But this 6'4" Norse robot-turned-goal-fiend rolled in, fresh from Dortmund, and made the Premier League look like it was running on rookie difficulty.
36 goals.
In his first season.
Let me repeat that: first season.
It’s not normal. It’s not fair. It’s Haaland.
🏆 Double Trouble: Player AND Young Player of the Season
Look — I love a good stat graphic. But when I saw Haaland win both the EA SPORTS Player of the Season and the Hublot Young Player of the Season… I just shook my head and laughed. Because how do you compete with that?
He's not just breaking records. He’s bending the entire curve.
De Bruyne? Legend. Rashford? Unstoppable this year. Ødegaard, Kane, Saka, Trippier — all incredible. But none of them felt like this. Haaland didn’t just top the charts — he rewrote them.
🏟️ Watching Him at the Etihad Was Church
That moment when he lifted the trophy in front of the home crowd? Straight chills. The grin. The swagger. The champagne-soaked, bun-loosened, Viking celebration? Pure cinema.
And the best part? He gave credit like a king. Shouted out the squad. Thanked the manager. Didn’t make it all about him — even though, let’s be honest — it kinda was.
🧠 What Blows My Mind: He’s 22.
Twenty-two.
This man could legally rent a car in the U.S. this year. And he’s already in conversations with the likes of Dixie Dean — a literal ghost from 1928 who scored 63 in a season. That’s the tier Haaland is now floating in: historical artifact status.
🥂 So What Now?
Two more finals. A treble in play. Haaland is still scoring like it’s his side hustle. And the rest of us are just along for the ride, tweeting with shaking fingers every time he touches the ball.
This season? This wasn’t football.
This was football reimagined — with long strides, laser focus, and a left foot that might be blessed by Norse gods.
And if you're a fan like me? You don’t analyze this.
You just sit back and say:
“Holy sh*t, I got to witness that.”
— a guy still not over Haaland’s first season
){kind=link}
0 Comments